Twilight: A Crushing Romance

Tuesday, July 1:

It is generally agreed that the Twilight series, by new author Stephanie Meyer, is a safe romantic haven in a world littered with trashy smut and smutty trash. However, there are still dangers lurking about the seemingly innocent books, as a young BYU Bookstore employee found out today.

The Bookstore employee, who wished to be known only as 'Quiet Mischief,' was somewhat astonished when another Bookstore employee brought up a cart that had over 50 copies of Eclipse on it. QM knew that there were "at least three or four hundred" copies of the three Twilight series books in various places around the store, and she hadn't thought that more were forthcoming. However, knowing her duty, she loaded them onto a v-cart and took them to the display at the end of the Family Relations shelf, which already had about 200 books on it.

"I wasn't sure what to do," QM said. "I mean, here was a messy, tottering, pretty fully display, and I had a ton more books to add to it. After thinking for a while, I went to get a couple more v-carts so I could move enough of the books off to be able to organize everything."

She had just started moving the books to v-carts when it became apparent that they were even more unstable than she had previously supposed. Before she had time to move, the books fell, completely covering her while making a noise that drew the attention of half the store.

"It was crazy," said one Bookstore security officer. "We didn't even know there was a person under there until we had shifted many of the books. She was keeping still, afraid to send more books down on herself, and with her black shirt and red undershirt she blended right in."

The Bookstore spokesperson, when asked for a statement, assured reporters that the employee suffered no harm, but asked patrons to remember to pick up a full set of Twilight books for themselves and friends and family in order to prevent a repeat accident. "Remember that these are classics, books that will surely stand the test of time. Make sure you have enough; we recommend two sets, one paperback, for reading, and one hardback, for displaying with all the other great books in your home."

After being freed and thanking those who had helped her, Quiet Mischief stayed with the display for a full hour - the time it took to dust all the books and arrange them neatly and securely.