Tuesday, February 10, 2009


"What on earth do you think you're doing?"


"Don't play the innocent with me!! Look at that!"

"Look at what?"

"Provo, Utah, United States!"


"What do you have to say for yourself?"

"I really don't know what you're getting at."

"Look down there! South Provo! East Bay!"


"What on earth do you think you're doing!!"

"Well, you were busy further up..."

"You still didn't have any right! It's February! This month is mine! And so is most of March and at least some of April! Just because you're mother's favorite -"

"Forgive me for being born the eldest! Look, I didn't mean to - to - infringe on your territory or anything. I just thought a little bit of sunshine -"

"A little bit of sunshine? That girl is wandering around, outside, in a short sleeved shirt!"

"There are crazy people who do that sort of thing -"

"Not that one."

"Okay. Fine. I"m sorry. I didn't think you'd get so - aw man, hail? What are you, a child? And wind? Windy hail?"

"You gunna scold me for throwing a temper tantrum?"

"No, but I really thought you were older than that."

"We can't all be mother's favorite."

"But you don't have to act like a spoiled brat!"

"Fine. I'll soften it to snow."

"Good lad."

"And it will snow half the night and into tomorrow, to make sure you don't get any ideas."

"If you must be that way."

"I must. Now get out of here."

Friday, February 6, 2009

Subject: whatever yourself

To: writerboy@mmail.com

From: rockjosh@mmail.com

July 6

all i know is that she's a decent girl and unhappy because of you. and she's hot. can't forget that. you're being at least a little bit of a jerk, you must admit. especially with the whole 'lost phone' business.

and maybe i prefer my letters lowercase. to hell with conformity, especially where grammar is involved.


Subject: I'm like lightning

To: ForTheMountain@mmail.com

From: writerboy@mmail.com

July 6

I'll admit it; I do check my email obsessively and respond quickly. Responding quickly is the part of being a writer that gets in there and does what needs to be done, writes what needs to be written, and proofreads what doesn't really need to be proofread. Checking email every five minutes is the part of being a writer that tries to put off any actual writing as long as possible. However, no matter how neurotic I might be, I don't care if it takes you a while to respond. I really don't, I promise.

I'm going to argue about number 2 with you next time I see you in person. Be prepared.

I have to admit that I am only a mild fan of the Bard myself. That's how I know I'm a little insane for being in the English major for any length of time. Musicals, though... what is so cool about a play that has everyone bursting into song all the time? I don't get it.

My dreams are odd, too, but I cut out most of the really odd stuff before I actually start trying to put it to paper. You should see some of my summaries if you're looking for 'odd.' And I keep trying to spell 'odd' with two o's for some reason.

I can well believe you got some pictures of me last night - you got pictures of everything last night - but I doubt that they're good. Unless your use of the word 'good' really meant something along the lines of 'hilariously bad.'

I don't suppose you and your friends could plan to have an impromptu party on Friday and then invite me? I have some friends I'd like to avoid.


Subject: Surprised

To: writerboy@mmail.com

From: ForTheMountain@mmail.com

July 5

Well that was quick. Severe is my chastisement; I don't get back to you for a week, and then you reply in under half an hour. And I hope 'posthaste' means 'as soon as you get this' and not 'immediately,' because I am not one to check my email obsessively. Sorry. You'll just have to wait a few hours/until the next day after work for me to read things.

Of course I'm not kidding about number 2. ; ) And yes, everyone is a little bit crazy, so I suppose that is normal. If you must be so specific.

Psh, who needs classics? I must admit that I have never been really fond of Shakespeare. I mean, yeah, great writer, but man they're hard to get through on paper. And only a little less hard on stage. Give me a flamboyant musical any day of the week and leave Shakespeare to those who are stuffy like that. ; )

Okay, how on earth do you plan an impromptu party? Just asking. Though I am glad you like my friends. I'll drop you an email next time we plan to get together - it's usually spontaneous, but you're so on top of your email that it probably won't matter that I don't have your phone number.

Dreams? Really? I mean, I'd heard that ideas come from there, but... I dunno... my dreams are always pretty odd. Your ideas are odd, too, but not nearly as odd as my dreams.

And speaking of photography, I got some great ones of you last night. Remind me to show them to you sometime. Well, I suppose I could send them to you... nah. Too lazy. ; D


Subject: *sigh*

To: writerboy@mmail.com

From: the_cute_one41@gotmail.com

I know you've never been a phone person, but you have always been an email person. You can't live without checking at least once an hour. So I'm starting to think that you're ignoring me. I feel loved.


Subject: Whatever

To: rockjosh@mmail.com

From: writerboy@mmail.com

July 6

You must be kidding me. Do you even listen to/read yourself? "[S]ure, she offended you. [S]he offends everyone. [S]he doesn't really mean it." First of all, have you ever heard of the shift key? Secondly, doesn't the fact that she offends everyone rather contradict you saying that she doesn't really mean it?

I don't care how much she likes me; I do not appreciate her attitude. And I'm surprised to see you standing up for her like that.


Subject: you child

To: writerboy@mmail.com

From: rockjosh@mmail.com

July 5

okay, jasmine is not leaving me alone. she keeps calling me, wanting to know what is wrong with you and why you're lying to her and avoiding her... not cool, bro. get her off my back. and quit sulking. sure, she offended you. she offends everyone. she doesn't really mean it. and she really does like you, a lot. also, if you don't get your butt in gear and talk to her, she's going to hunt you down at your apartment.

don't say I didn't warn you.